6 Things I HATE About Modern Videogames

#5 – Tiny “High Definition” Text

#6 – Anti-climatic Final Boss Battles

You ever play SNK games like Metal Slug and The King of Fighters? I love them. They are both frustrating and difficult and their final boss fights are so brutal that the term “SNK Boss Syndrome” had be invented to describe such anguish players felt while attempting to overcome those ordeals.

Despite how difficult those boss battles are, they are still beatable and when I finally did, a wave of euphoria spreads throughout my mind and body. It’s like making sweet, glorious love to a wonderful woman! It takes a lot of work and effort, but in the end it’s worth it. In all seriousness, beating those games becomes a life achievement that you can assign no amount of gamer points to. Above all else, it shows true mastery of the game.

So when I played games like Bioshock and Brutal Legend, I found myself disappointed in the anti-climatic final boss battles within both games.

Bioshock had a weird difficulty curve; it spikes up early on in the game and them plummets downward as you get more upgrades. The only real reason to venture through the underwater utopia known as Rapture is to uncover the plot set by the final antagonist. When fighting him, he doesn’t put up much of a fight. All my Plasmids and explosive shells were just too much for him to handle.

To contrast the analogy of love-making, finishing Bioshock was like meeting some hobag at a grody house party that smells like warm butthole and when you two get wasted you go back to your place have sex except she just lies there and does nothing except take it like a bitch. The whole experience leaves you unfulfilled. Yet, YOU ARE THE ONE who should be “lucky” to have had it in the first place!

Brutal Legend is just as meaningless. Actually, there really is no reason to play that game and the final boss is taken out with little effort in a matter of minutes. This just burns me. I think the reason this happens is so its easier for anyone to beat the game but I just feel cheated in the end.

Final Thoughts

So there you have it! There are actually more things I hate about modern videogames but I’d hate to sound like more of a bitter old man. I think the intentions of some of the topics I discussed were initially good: game designers wanted more people to enjoy their games. However, they were just dumbing them down and now cling to these concepts like a crutch to solve problems that could be handled in different ways.

Regardless of the reasons these six things occur in videogames, they all need to stop. They don’t make the games more fun and there are other ways to make games more accessible if they need to be. But most off all, they all ruin the interactivity of videogames.

6 Things I HATE About Modern Videogames

#3 – Regenerative Health

This is in almost every action game and it really pisses me off. Back in the day, games had cleverly placed health repleting items to keep the action going. It wasn’t realistic but the placement kept the pacing of the gameplay consistently exciting. How did all those health packs and ammo crates show up in the demon infested levels of Doom anyways?

#4 – Checkpoints… EVERYWHERE

Do I need a checkpoint every twenty paces that I walk!? It’s seems like all these new action games- which are all conveniently marketed to EXTREME Mountain Dew swiggin, sideways cap wearing bro douchebags -are set up so not only is it okay to die as much as you want but you only have to walk a few steps and that will be your new spawn point when you die again.

I believe that the ridiculous amount of checkpoints in modern action games is a combination of many things. First, this is another attempt for game designers to hand hold players to “expand the market.” Doesn’t it seem like I hate modern game designers? I really don’t but it really feels like the absurd measures they put in to make sure everyone finishes their game almost feels like a system of “big government,” where any responsibility from the player to play well is removed.

Second, maybe these levels are just too damn big? In games like Super Mario World and Mega Man 2, you only had one or two checkpoints in a level and that was good enough. If you died, you didn’t lose a whole lot of progress.

If levels in modern games desparately need more checkpoints than that, then the levels should be broken down into smaller chunks. Like 1-1, 1-2, 1-3 in Super Mario Bros. (Then again, you have infinite lives in all these games.)

I think part of the tests in action games were supposed to be the endurance runs. Can the player go through all these obstacles without dying? That was what the test used to be, but no more.

Which brings me to the third and final point: maybe most modern action games are just plain old BROKEN.

If the checkpoints were fewer and further apart, would most players make it? Probably not. Action games are now about the spectacle and bullets and missiles flying at you from everywhere. This is great for drawing in players to the intensity of combat, except you can’t see where all the bullets are coming from like you can in Ikaruga.

So running and gunning doesn’t work. You get shot and you have to hide, but hiding sucks so you try to make a break for it to the end of the level. Then you are taken out by a shot outside your peripheral vision but luckily you ran ten feet so now you can start in that very spot and just keep doing that until you beat the level!

Maybe it’s a bad mix of of bad game and level design, or perhaps realism in games isn’t fun so game designers compensate by adding in unrealistic features like regenerative health and frequent checkpoints to cover up the bad game.

Because I don’t know anyone who actually HAS FUN playing these kinds of games. Do you?

Next time, I wrap this up with two more trends that while unrelated, I still HATE passionately.

I am sure I told those students things that night that they will never hear in those game design classes that they SHOULD hear. I’ve grown up as a gamer and because of games such as River City Ransom, Chrono Trigger, Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past, Super Mario 64, Rez, Street Fighter II, and even more essentials I have been imbued with a fiery passion for games.

Those games made me fall in love but if I were to meet videogames now, I don’t know if I would have the same feeling. The game industry and its creative talent have taken some very wrong turns that lead me to wonder what the hell they are all trying to do. There are a lot of common trends that really make me angry, and while they are not new to games they certainly have made a bigger presence than they should have. So with that…

6 Things I HATE About Modern Videogames

#1 – Mandatory Tutorial Levels

I played Borderlands recently. It was pretty lackluster and it’s essentially Doom with stats and an inventory if you break down the game to its core mechanics. I don’t think Borderlands was made to reach an audience that have not yet played a first person shooter before.

So… why do I have to start the game following a trashcan on wheels who tells me how to crouch and shoot and reload!? I already know how to do that! And why can’t I shoot the talking trashcan!?

The first time I played a game with an annoying tutorial level I couldn’t skip was Final Fantasy Tactics Advance. You can see in the video above that you have to grind through some boring snowball fight before you wind up in the fantasy world of Ivalice. Like Borderlands, there’s not too much new in the gameplay and it’s debatable if the game was even marketed to a new audience who had never played turn-based strategy JRPGs.

It really bugs me that we have to play through these tutorials to be told things we already know because it’s not exciting. If anything, it feels like the game designers are telling the players that they are too stupid to figure out their grand design so the players MUST play these tutorials that explain the most tedious of details to them because the designers think that this will keep buyers playing the game.

A game like New Super Mario Bros. doesn’t even bother doing this because how hard is it to figure out how to move left and right, jump, and throw fireballs?

I’m not saying that tutorial levels should be eliminated but they certainly should not be mandatory. The recent re-release of the classic FPS Perfect Dark on Xbox Live Arcade shows a more practical method of tutorials. By choosing to tour the Carrington Institute you can practice tactics and train with newly acquired weapons and vehicles. You don’t have to do it but it helps if you want to learn how to do something in the game before doing a campaign mission or a multiplayer match.

#2 – Quicktime Events

Nothing like interrupting the flow of an intense battle with a game of Simon appearing out of nowhere! Imagine you are some badass like Kratos from the God of War games and you are mashing buttons(I’m assuming you’re a noob if you mash buttons) and doing all these crazy murderous combos on a big giant boss monster. (What the hell are those?)

You get really into kicking lots of ass and then you have to press the X button to let the game take over and pull off a cinematic finisher and you were so into what was going on and now you are being FORCED TO STOP HAVING FUN and engage in a unique feeling that I would like to coin as “Gamer Blue Balls.”

If you mess up- and you will because these “Quicktime Events” are never designed to appear at the right time because they are ALWAYS out of place in any game they show up in -you pretty much have to restart building your lost momentum.

Quicktime Events are the videogame industry’s failed attempt to make videogames both cinematic and interactive at the same time. You can’t do both simultaneously! Well you can, but it is certainly not fun! You could either play or watch and interrupting play with a chance to watch during the heat of the moment is the most annoying thing a game can do.

I discovered a database that lists over 100 games that feature Quick Time Events. Many of them are recent. Stop the madness now!

Next time I’ll cover a couple of things that helped First Person Shooters become lame in the span of a decade.

Last decade, music games were huge and they haven’t died off yet. When you think of music games, you think of dance pads and plastic toy guitars. WRONG. Instead, you should be thinking about the video game version of a technicolor raveland.

Rez combined an interactive music experience with rail shooter gameplay that looks like something ripped out of Tron after some binge drug use. It was seriously one of the best games to come out last decade and easily one of my favorite games ever. In fact, if Rez were to inspired me to do drugs, it would be a nice mix of LSD and ecstasy followed by a line of cocaine off of the vagina of a dead hooker.

Whatever Rez didn’t get me to do I am positive Child of Eden will accomplish in its stead. Tetsuya Mizuguchi is back at it again with Q? Entertainment to another experience that will be sure to please. Watch out hookers!

What will I be talking about? There is another live action game at AFO this year called Skies of Orlandia that I am a big part of developing and managing. Not only that, I have a couple panels to announce for the convention! Since my panels as of late have been nothing but EXCELLENT you should be excited to hear of what I have cooking!

The show is going to live on the internet so who knows what might happen! The Wheldon Smiley Show can be found here so tune in at 9pm tonight and be captivated!

Capcom announced Marvel vs Capcom 3 a couple weeks ago. A list of characters was revealed and then a bunch of internet types started putting together lists of who they think should be in the game. All of them were terrible.

Dear Capcom,

I bought several of your games last week and I love you guys very much. For that reason, I am making this list that needs to be made so you have legitimate input for the production of your game. Please ignore all other lists and pay attention only to mine as it will improve the quality of your final product.

I have some criteria I am using for these lists:

1. These characters have not yet been revealed for Marvel vs Capcom 3
2. They have not appeared as playable in the Marvel vs Capcom franchise
3. Five characters are from each side to keep things even

Alright, that all sounds good. For everyone else, read and learn. I’m going to start off with the Marvel characters that should be in the game because they aren’t as important as Capcom’s.

Marvel

Daredevil: The Man Without Fear needs to be in this game badly. He has incredible agility and senses. He can counter attacks, wall leap, and quickly take out characters. He can even use his sweet custom billy club in fights! Daredevil could fill in the void if Capcom foolishly leaves out Strider Hiryu.

Iron Fist: In his own comic, Iron Fist is pretty badass. However, he seems to get lost in the shuffle when paired up with Avengers and Heroes for Hire or in any of the ridiculous crossovers that Marvel keeps pumping out to kill their own industry. In addition to being a master of martial arts, he gained his ability to harness chi by plunging his fists into the molten heart of the dragon Shou-Lao the Undying! Where Daredevil could excel as an agile martial artist, Iron Fist can focus on power.

Hawkeye: He is an expert marksman and could fire trick arrows of varying types into any direction, and quickly! He is also an acrobat who has been trained by Captain America in hand-to-hand combat and battle tactics. Yeah, he’s currently Ronin in the Marvel Universe, but nobody cares.

Thor: Thor is a Norse god who wields a badass hammer and can control elements of the storm, thus making him the manliest character in the Marvel universe.

Phoenix: One of the most powerful entities in the universe and the result of many teenage nerd hardons(including mine), Phoenix weilds the mightiest of flames and controls the sky. Some people adore her as Dark Phoenix, but I prefer her original form better. Perhaps alternate costumes or palette swaps can make for a fair compromise?

I just picked a seriously incredible list of Marvel characters to put in the game! With Capcom, things can only get better!

Capcom

Batsu Ichimonji: This seems like a copout seeing how he was just in Tatsunoko vs Capcom: Ultimate All-stars. That doesn’t make the high school brawler any less awesome. He is a a force to be reckon with and the king of the Japanese high school fighting world. While we are on the subject, I want a sequel to Rival Schools!

Nina Windia: She is one of the female leads of Breath of Fire II and possesses both offensive magical spells and black wings to help her fly. The MvC series doesn’t have enough fantasy and she can do the job well. Her Fusion form can also make for an excellent super special move.

Gene: The hero of Godhand, a game that pays great homage to Fist of the North Star. He has no problem with Pimp Slapping you and Dragon Kicking your ass to the moon! No further explanation of this choice is necessary. I will add that if you played Godhand and didn’t like it, that makes you a pussy.

Harman Smith: This is choice was made with the great assumption that Capcom owns the rights to Killer 7, another game that became underappreciated during the beginning of the fall of gaming fandom and the rise of “bro gaming.” Harman, in addition to being a badass in a wheelchair with a rocket launcher, can also manifest into the form of seven other personalities! That’s right, I want Harman to be able to transform into Dan, Kaede, Con, Garcian, Kevin, Coyote, and Mask de Smith! Let the mayhem begin!

Mike Haggar: No fucking surprises here! Any friends or fans of The M.F.K. Legend himself knew that the mighty mayor of Metro City would be on this list. Did you purchase your copy of Final Fight: Double Impact yet? If not, then you have just failed as a gamer. Money talks and the more that game sells, the more likely Mike Haggar will be in the Marvel vs Capcom 3. He not can not only piledrive a shark, but he is – without equal – the MANLIEST character to originate from a videogame.

Granted, putting Mike Haggar in any fighting game will make it more busted than a team of Storm, Sentinel, and Magento; but since that will happen anyways, why not just add an oil rig to the fire? I will say this: I am going to take a page out of the whiney KOF fanboy book and proclaim “No Mike, No Buy.” It’s not as catchy, but if he is not in the game, I’m not owning it.

And there you have it: the greatest and absolute definitive list for who should be in Marvel vs Capcom 3. Pass this on to your friends, and send it to Capcom! You want Marvel vs Capcom 3 to be an awesome game; this is the first step to making that happen!

Sincerely,

Kent Ward

This was already assumed but now it’s topical so I will talk about The King of Fighters XIII. SNK has announced that they will have a play test in April in Japan which leads me to believe that it’s been worked on since the last one came out.

I expect that it will be based on the engine already established in KOF XII, which didn’t do to well in terms of commercial and critical success. A lot of KOF fans were pissed and some have even swore that they have given up on the series(a threat that I am sure will be just as empty as those of the Modern Warfare 2 and Left 4 Dead 2 boycotts).

The King of Fighters XI was the reason people were excited for XII and the same reason they became disappointed. The King of Fighters 2003, which established a new tag system system for the franchise, but was not that great. But XI polished a lot of those concepts, and brought in save shifts, quick shifts, team leader desperation moves, and dream cancels that made it the most technical entry in the series. It was beautiful.

XII did a lot of new things that weren’t in the KOF series and it was a lot more basic in comparison. However, it also felt like a more balanced experience than before. There are a few gameplay tweeks to make in the engine but I feel that it is a solid start. I expect a similar jump in quality when XIII comes out because that is how it’s always been with the follow-up game.

I am going to make a wish list on the assumption that the game engine, art style, and existing character designs will not change much. I honestly don’t expect them too. I also don’t care how anyone else feels, this wish list is about how *I* feel. 

• Finish the Tales of Ash arc. We left off with Ash Crimson gaining Iori’s powers and his threats to get Kyo Kusanagi’s next. XI’s endings did good to get a lot of us excited only to be let down when XII didn’t even have a story in single player mode.
• Speaking of single player modes, the game needs an end boss! One that is challenging to fight and satisfying to beat! Either this rumored “Dark Ash” or the unrevealed leader of Those from the Past will suit me fine.
• More single player options. Time attack and Survival are standards in fighting games. The home version of XI had the challenge mode that could be used for unlocking hidden characters and other content. Something like that would be cool.
• Whatever the game mechanics, move sets, and combos may be, have a real training mode that teaches players how to take advantage of these features so they can get into the game quicker and play longer. THIS SHOULD BE IN EVERY FIGHTING GAME DAMMIT!

• Some characters need to come back. Whether it was because of their involvement in the game’s story or because they are just awesome I’d like to see the following back: K’, Kula Diamond, Oswald, and Vanessa because they are that awesome. Then Adelheid, Shion, and Chizuru because of their involvement in Tales of Ash.
• I don’t care for her but I’d like her fans to shut up this time. Please bring back Mai!
• Let’s have some standard teams again! It seems like XII axed a lot of things that made The King of Fighters stand out from other fighting games. Maybe that is why it deadpanned?
• If it doesn’t break the game engine and animations, speed up the fighting! I’m used to KOF fighters moving a little faster than they did in XII.
• Animation presentation counts. Redo all the knock out animations, finish some of the victory animations, and dammit have special introduction and victory animations for rival characters like the games used to! Also, when Terry Bogard throws his hat in the air, it should land at some point!

• When a character gets hit, I want them to look like they really felt it. Games like Art of Fighting, Garou: Mark of the Wolves, and Street FIghter III: Third Strike did this very well in their own way. This means that some animations need to be redone but I think it is work it.
• Every character needs more moves. Raiden, Duo Lon, and Elizabeth seemed to be lacking more moves than anyone else. Every character should have about 4-5 special moves and 2-3 desperation moves. It will add more variety to the fights and strategy.
• Speaking of desperation moves, I want to be able to cancel special moves to do a desperation move when I enter it’s input.
• Unlocking characters is annoying in an age where we don’t carry memory cards around and use hard drives instead.
• Even after XII’s online is patched, it still had input lag. Please switch to GGPO! It works!

• Why do Sousai cancels, which take great skill and timing to accomplish, take away a player’s health while guard attacks, which have are easier to use and have a longer period to counter, do not? Sousai should not have a penalty to the player’s health while guard attacks do. Or at least lessen the time a guard attack can be used to counter a move so it isn’t spammed as often in matches.
• Find a new publisher. Ignition bailed out hard when shit hit the fan during the online fiasco. SNK entrusted the next Metal Slug game to be published by Atlus. They know how to sell niche Japanese titles to Americans. I think it would be great if they handled KOF XIII as well.

I don’t think I am being too greedy here. It’s a fairly reasonable list. While I would like some new things in the game, I am currently more concerned with getting old things back that worked before and made the last game feel lacking when they were left out. If new characters and gameplay mechanics are introduced, that’s cool; however, SNK needs to focus on getting some standard aspects of the franchise back in.

New screens of Hokuto Musou(that Dynasty Warriors game about Fist of the North Star) came out and Juza of the Clouds is in it! For those of you who don’t know, Juza is a fucking badass, a pimp, and a troll all at the same time. He was one of the five Nanto Chariot Stars(responsible for protecting the last Nanto general) and hung out in his own palace with naked chicks all day LIKE A BOSS.

Juza of the Cloud is most famous for stealing Raoh’s horse(!) and doing other things to piss him off. For instance, Raoh wanted to know who the last Nanto General was so he struck a pressure point of Juza’s, forcing him to tell the truth. Not being able to lie when asked again, Juza states that “Raoh is a fucking dickhead.” and spits blood in his face(I think it was in that order it happened).

Raoh was not amused and preceded to smash Juza with his fists until Juza eventually died on his feet. What a badass.

More screen shots here!

I am hoping to get that creative flame burning once again because I could use it right now. I look forward to collaborating with whoever I am teamed with this weekend and making something cool. Next week, I’ll post up whatever game I end up being a part of!

I’d say that things are going to end up well for the game! The game engine itself is shaping up very well too! I haven’t seen the build ina  while, but the core gameplay looks like it’s nearly complete. I really think the game will be awesome AND will come out this year! Cross your fingers!