For ten years, never has there been a more important weekend to decide the fate of America through movie theaters than this most recent one. We had a chick flick based on a book Oprah liked, a movie starring Micheal Cera that I’m supposed to like becuase I get all the videogame references, and then – OH MAN – the manliest movie of the year.
The Expendables: #1 Box Office grosser this past weekend getting more revenue than that chick flick and awkward kid movie COMBINED. That is REAL JUSTICE, America. I am proud of all the men who stepped up this weekend and went to the movie theaters and all the women that happily seduced them afterwards.
We let Hollywood know this weekend that we want movies with REAL MEN kicking ass and not some dork kids who sparkle in the sunlight!
With that said, what was this movie about? There was no real plot. Something terrible is happening in a third world country and muscle-bound men step in with BIG guns and BIGGER explosions to wipe them out in red-blooded American fashion! If this movie had aliens to kill, you could have called it Contra: The Movie. But more importantly, there was a message here.
The majority of these actors starring in this movie were older than 40, with some in their fifties. What does that say? It says that there are NO new action stars in Hollywood. All these old farts that excited us during the 80s had to come back again to show the world how it’s done! Yes, their age shows. This movie is by no means perfect. But dammit, it was way more awesome than any action movie in the past five years.
Like I said, there are no new top-tier action stars. The most recent would be Jason Statham, who did an excellent job of playing Lee Christmas in this movie. But he’s not new to action flicks. So we defintely need new action stars and Seth Rogen as The Green Hornet is not going to cut it.
This movie had explosions. This movie had LOTS of killing. This movie had lots of excellent knife fights. This movie had Dolph Lundgren fighting Jet Li! This movie had Terry Crews annihilating an army with his AA-12. FUCK YEAH! This movie excellently showed how True Man Law #2 should be enforced; not once, but TWICE! And that arm bar takedown that Barney Ross(Sylvester Stallone) did on Dan Paine(Steve Austin)? FANTASTIC!
If these things do not excite you then I want you to put on an apron, get in the kitchen, and fix me a sandwich Nancy cause you surely ain’t no man! Yeah, that’s how it’s gonna be! If you’re new to my blog you should know right now that I am not a nice guy.
But this movie has flaws. First of all, there is not enough killing. There are about thirty minutes where nobody dies. During that time, Jason Statham beats up a bunch of bros(that probably play Halo 3 while having circle jerk sessions) and Dolph Lundgren curb stomps a douchebag’s face in and calls him an insect. But still, no killing.
Then, there were no headbutts. WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS IMPORTANT! There were many hand to hand fight sequences that a headbutt could have fit right in. What the hell happened here? Somebody dropped the ball on this.
Last but not least, Terry Crews’ character, Hale Ceasar, makes a big deal about this bullet that has a warhead in it but I never saw him fire it in the movie. I paid extra attention the second time I watched The Expendables just to make sure I didn’t miss it because the director thought is was a great idea to film the last 30 minutes of the movie in the dark, making it hard for people like me to follow what the hell was going on. But I am positive that Hale Caesar never fires that bullet. Talk about blue balling. Perhaps that will be a deleted scene that will show up in the video release.
Despite those flaws, this movie was a lot of fun. Word is that a sequel will happen. I hope so. This movie was lacking Kurt Russell with an eyepatch and I’d love to see him in the next one.
Not only that, I hope this movie, that was clearly a celebration of REAL masculinity, will inspire more action movies like this. And new action stars that have arms bigger than mine. Because dammit, we needed this. The truth is, movies affect the views and perceptions of the masses and we need the right ones out there doing the job they are supposed to. The Expendables is a step in the right direction because it reminds America what men of the cinema used to be and need to be again.
http://www.premiere.com/List/9-Reasons-The-Expendables-Was-A-Huge-Disappointment
That article was poorly written. Did that dude seriously get paid to write that? It’s not a matter of opinion, his list is just so damn bland and half those points are incredibly weak. It’s obvious that the dude has never headbutted another person before. Worthless.
As for you, hiding behind generic anonymity makes you a coward.
Wow, I post someone else’s article, that is in disagreement with your opinion, and I get personal attacks immediately. HA!
But then, that is about what I’d expect from you. Since you’re into name calling as a form of punctuation for otherwise intellectual discourse, the least I can write is that makes you a real class act.
P.S. be careful who you randomly call a coward on the internet, they could be walking by you any day…
My job here is not to be nice. My job is to share my opinion and do the right thing as best as I can.
If you read my article, I pointed out several of The Expendables’ flaws that mattered. The author of that other article, made nine criticisms, one being relevant(the final one), one being false(the second one), and the others not even worth caring about. Plastic eyelids? Really? There were better criticisms of the movie you could have posted the link to on here, but instead you found an article that looks like it was churned out fifteen minutes before deadline.
Last but not least, you do not scare me. Seriously, were you butthurt that I put down the Scott Pilgrim movie or that it got crushed in the box office? Had you identified yourself and had YOUR OWN argument about The Expendables to declare instead of using one of someone else, we could have engaged in intellectual discourse. However, you did not so none will not take place at this time.
Enjoy your day.