Discussing panels for upcoming conventions and fighting games with a friend, we happened upon stories about teaching girls in our lives- past and present -how to play fighting games so there was something that we like that we could do together.

For me, it would come down to playing fighting games eventually in every relationship or the failed attempts at one. (There are a whole lot of those!) We would play a Street Fighter or a King of Fighters game, and I would play for real and she would smash buttons and wiggle the d-pad or joystick like it was Soul Calibur and I would own her. Then, I would pretend to play bad so she wouldn’t quit. I would press the wrong buttons or pretend to press them as she eventually defeated my character.

Now this is not an isolated incident. In fact, this happened with every girl I played fighting games with! I would soon discover that they had no clue how to even do the input motions for special moves their characters had let alone when to use them effectively, and I would spend an hour just trying to teach them how to do Hadoken. This would happen as recent as this past Spring.

Part of me just wishes that there was some kind of class to teach girls how to play the more-than-casual fighting games. (Or what tourneyfags will call “real” fighting games because if it doesn’t play like their favorite fighting game then it doesn’t count.) Then our time spent together could be of higher quality.

Some of you may ask “But Kent, you don’t have a videogame console set up in your kitchen so how can you get girls to play fighting games in the first place?” Listen jackass: now is not the time to have that discussion. As a matter of fact, more and more girls are playing videogames to the point that it’s not even special anymore.

(Side tangent: dumb bitches who call themselves “gamer girls” and use a term like that to identify themselves are shallow and annoying because they expect people like me to worship them like some special flower just because they have a vag and like geeky stuff. The worst are the ones who have to tell you that they have a dick and that you should suck it when they play bro person shooters on X-Box Live. Nothing is more undesirable in a woman than that.)

Back on topic, the idea of Hadoken High: Fighting Games 101 came up. It would be kind of like a panel/workshop at a convention that features videogaming in its event programming. We’d have a bunch of televisions and game consoles set up in a room and for 60-90 minutes we’d have small groups of casual gamers(gender doesn’t matter) wanting to learn the basics of fighting games at each station with someone who could have the ability and patience to teach them how to do things like special moves, blocking, and super attacks.

Oh yes, patience will be needed.

The groups would start off by doing Hadoken, the fireball that Ryu and Ken throw when the player enters down, down-forward, then forward and punch at the same time on the controller/joystick. The input is often called QFC+P. For most of us who playing fighting games, it is incredibly simple so it blows are minds when we see people struggle to learn it.

It usually takes a while for some of the people I have taught to get the input right, but when they do they feel awesome. If players are having a hard time doing this and want to quit, a good idea is to have them switch to using a character like E. Honda or Chun-Li and having them push the punch or kick button rapidly until they are doing a Hundred Hand Slap of a Lightning Kick, respectively. ANYONE can do it and that helps build confidence if they have trouble right away. The last person I taught felt more motivated to figure out how to do a Hadoken after we switched to rapid button press special moves.

After they have done a Hadoken successfully, have them do it a few more times and even have their character face the other direction on screen when doing so the can do it regardless of which way their character faces. Have them switch between the different punch buttons so they can see the differences of speead with each kind of fireball thrown.

With this, they can do QCF(Quater Circle Forward) attacks so doing QCB(Quarter Circle Backward) attacks will now be an easy progression. Next, with down, down-backward, and then backward and kick at the same time, they can do the Hurricane Kick if they have selected Ryu and Ken.

With the QCF and QCB command moves done, it’s time to switch to a charge character like Guile. Start off with Sonic Boom(hold direction back for over a second and then press direction forward and punch at the same time) and then Flash Kick(hold direction down and then press direction up and kick at the same time). The Flash Kick is hard to pull off for novices because they end up jumping a lot instead.

If the groups have made it this far there is actually still time plenty of time left, have them learn how to do a basic super move(one whose motion is QCF, QCF+attack button is a good one). If you are feeling heroic, you would try teaching the Dragon Punch(also known as DP) motion known as Forward, Down, then Down-Forward plus Punch. I have never actually successfully taught someone how to do this motion. Perhaps I will someday.

The last thing to do is have everyone who played demonstrate what they have learned during the session in matches. Here, you can explain the importance of blocking moves and when to time newly-learned attacks. In addition, students can be informed that the motions they have learned can be applied to all the characters in the game in some way. This way, they may feel motivated to keep learning and experimenting in play.

The success for all this will vary; some people will obviously learn faster than others and just telling them how to do the move will not be enough. Even though games now come equipped with built-in command lists and practice modes, people still struggle to learn or don’t even bother trying.

I have found that holding my controller in a way that they can see what my fingers are pressing and explaining what I am pressing to them helps to better get the message across. If companies like Capcom could put basic tutorials like the one I have been describing in their future fighting games, then the knowledge can spread better.

The payoff for a panel like this is that people still novice in playing fighting games can now do things they didn’t know how to do before. They will probably want to play fighting games more now that they have a better understanding on how to play and they may buy more fighting games in general. This will not only strengthen relationships between players, but even the genre itself.

And most importantly, I won’t have to pretend to lose as much the next time I try to date a woman.