The Twelve Laws of True Man are a cornerstone in the new history of manliness. They are a guide for those who are true men or wish to become one someday. The life of a man is hard and many trials and tribulations will be faced. I wish all you men the best of luck.
Below are the slides for The Twelve Laws of True Man that I have used for the popular anime convention panel “It’s MANIME! The Manly Anime Panel!” You may use for non profit as long as you link to this website.
This law came up first because we all have that friend who used to hang out with us but would constantly bail on us the second he got a girlfriend. The worst part is when he planned to hang out with us but couldn’t because his girlfriend couldn’t make it or didn’t want to go. Disappointing.
This is a result of modern-day women(young women, specifically) feeling a sense of entitlement to do as they please. Young women will constantly lie, fake illness(and periods), have zero ability to cook and clean, bail out on plans, date unmanly losers(see True Man Law #1), wear terrible eighties fashion, and blame others for their mistakes and lack of efficiency. They will almost ALWAYS pass blame. There is not a thing that is ever their fault and they will be sure to let you know that everything is yours.
It takes a while for a man to be able to figure out what to do to correct this problem, but based on my experience, I find that the sting of a man’s back hand sends a good message.
With that said, it is imperative that you do not abuse this. It is never acceptable to hit a woman for minor trifles and certainly for no good reason. Use it when appropriate as a form of discipline, and not out of your own weakness. Speaking of which…
Sometimes a woman will make the mistake of surrounding herself with unmanly losers. I have no idea why. Some women will develop a spinal cord and call these losers out on the bullshit that ironically women are infamous for pulling. A woman can probably handle this situation just fine, but if that is not the case, feel free to dispense your man justice upon the unmanly loser. The closer this happens to a kitchen, the better. Also, make sure they bring you a real beer; not some ungodly swill such as Heineken or PBR.
This is almost like a reversal of True Man Law #1. A lot of the True Man Laws do deal with women because they can potentially cause us a great amount of problems. The trick is knowing how to solve the problem, which these laws will help you with. Long story short, if your female friend stops hanging out with you because she has an insecure boyfriend, show him what for!
I shouldn’t even need to explain this; however, if your beef jerky comes packaged, you open it with your teeth, dammit!
I don’t need to explain this either. If a woman needs explaining on this, True Man Law #2 helps. NOW, this is True Man Law is not to put down women so much as it is designed to explain the role of men when it comes to creating tasty food themselves.
It’s a new age of men and men play videogames. Fighting games are clearly among the manliest of videogames for they not only feature brutal close-quarters combat where opponents must face each other, but they require the skills needed to plan a winning strategy and to be able to manipulate controls with proper timing and precision.
The Hadoken is the most basic of these skills and every man should know how to do such an input sequence in a videogame.
This is the hardest man law to uphold, especially when alcohol is involved. Sometimes it’s better to walk home or learn how to drive drunk without getting in an automobile accident. Okay, maybe not the latter. Have cab fare ready, just in case!
I’ve been eating really healthier for most of the past year and exercising more. I’ve also been practicing martial arts. I have buffed up a little and lost over 3o pounds since I changed my ways in the summer of June 2009. It has been pretty awesome and I will have to say that taking care of yourself and staying in great shape is part of being a man. If you need advice on this, I am willing to help you out.
It is also worth mentioning that you want to know is a relationship is worth having, then Enter the Dragon will let you know. Any woman who doesn’t want to watch that classic isn’t worth dating. Give them the option to watch that or a Johnny Depp movie to see where they really stand on the scale of desirability.
Damn straight! The nose is where you want to aim when headbutting because it will do tons of damage to your opponent and not so much to yourself. It’s always a badass way to finish an opponent off in a fight!
This law has been inspired by the greatness of Fist of the North Star! This part and the next part decree when it is acceptable for a man to cry.
I guess if your parents die of illness, it’s okay to cry. But you damn well better beat that illness down during your quest of revenge!
Parents have failed this country. I have never seen kids so rotten, so stupid, and having such a sense of entitlement such as they do now. Just the fact that kids find themselves entitled to anything proves that parents have failed to raise their kids properly. Maddox wrote an article about child discipline. I suggest you read it.
There may be some confusion with this law. I didn’t think about until just now. While it is important to help a manly friend get a woman, what if she isn’t qualified to be in a relationship with him? Well, make sure that you give him your thoughts. Otherwise, help him out! Women sometimes need to be told that going out with a manly man is what’s best for them and it’s important to let them know that when it comes to your friend. Remember, guide the cock; do not block it!
That’s it for the man laws! I hope this has been very educational for you because the path of being a man is a very hard one. You will have to endure many trials and make many tough choices. Mistakes will be made but you can learn from those too. I can be found on Twitter if you need further counsel.
Thanks to Mike “Brotha Kyo” Burgess for helping me construct these True Man Laws.