Despite it’s poor attendance, Mini-Megacon this past weekend was a success for myself and my group overall when it came to doing our events. We had pretty good turn-outs at our events and some great energy for the crowd. I would have to say the event I felt was the most successful was It’s MANIME! The Manly Anime Panel. We got to cover what makes an anime manly, man’s violent life style, and we encouraged the attendees to check out the following series: Berserk, Baki the Grappler, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, Guin Saga(a new anime series that shows some potential), and the Fist of the North Star franchise.
In the middle of the panel, myself and fellow panelists Shawn Wilson and Mike “Brotha Kyo” Burgess presented the Twelve Laws of True Man, which are more or less commandments that one would follow if one were to be a real man. These laws were created as a result of what our current generation of young adults have degenerated into in the wake of Harry Potter, Twilight, superficial pop music such as emo, along with plenty of bad anime that feature male characters looking feminine and whining all day. We not only had to clearly define what made manly anime like Fist of the North Star manly, but also provide laws for men to live by. The laws were well-received by both our male and female members, which was really surprising with the latter crowd.
By popular request, I have decided to post these laws of the website to be used for reference. These are taken directly from our PowerPoint presentation so any animating introductions we had for dramatic effect are gone. However, I think this method works far more than just listing the laws. I will also explain why we chose these laws. Oh and by we, I mean myself, Mike, and my roommate Taylor. Anyways, it’s time to travel the path of true man once again!
This law came up first because we all have that friend who used to hang out with us but would constantly bail on us the second he got a girlfriend. The worst part is when he planned to hang out with us but couldn’t because his girlfriend couldn’t make it or didn’t want to go. Disappointing.
This is a result of modern-day women(young women, specifically) feeling a sense of entitlement to do as they please. Young women will constantly lie, fake illness(and periods), have zero ability to cook and clean, bail out on plans, date unmanly losers(see True Man Law #1), wear terrible eighties fashion, and blame others for their mistakes and lack of efficiency. They will almost ALWAYS pass blame. There is not a thing that is ever their fault and they will be sure to let you know that everything is yours. It takes a while for a man to be able to figure out what to do to correct this problem, but based on my experience, I find that the sting of a man’s back hand sends a good message. Use it when appropriate as a form of discipline, and not out of your own weakness. Speaking of which…
Sometimes a woman will make the mistake of surrounding herself with unmanly losers. I have no idea why. Some women will develop a spinal cord and call these losers out on the bullshit that ironically women are infamous for pulling. A woman can probably handle this situation just fine, but if that is not the case, feel free to dispense your man justice upon the unmanly loser. The closer this happens to a kitchen, the better. Also, make sure they bring you a real beer; not some ungodly swill such as Heineken or PBR.
This is almost like a reversal of True Man Law #1. A lot of the True Man Laws do deal with women because they can potentially cause us a great amount of problems. The trick is knowing how to solve the problem, which these laws will help you with. Long story short, if your female friend stops hanging out with you because she has an insecure boyfriend, show him what for!
I shouldn’t even need to explain this; however, if your beef jerky comes packaged, you open it with your teeth, dammit!
I don’t need to explain this either. If a woman needs explaining on this, True Man Law #2 helps. Also, that’s Ace from One Piece. After my panel, an attendee asked why One Piece wasn’t included. There is indeed a lot of manly moments in that series, but it’s so well known that I preferred to cover series that are far more manly.
This was inspired by being in lab one day. I substituted for DirectX and the lab involved playing sound for when Ryu’s sprite did a Hadoken or Shoryuken move. They actually had already implemented proper input code to check for the controller input to do a Hadoken. So checkoff required them performing the controller input so that Ryu could do the move and play the sound effect. A student didn’t know how to do a Hadoken and a friend was going to take the controller and do it for him. I yelled at him and said something like “NO! He has to do this on his own because it’s part of being a man!” That statement apparently made me famous with that class before I get to officially have them as students in OpenGL. Honestly, I have no clue as to what a student who doesn’t know how to Hadoken is doing in a game development program. Disappointing.
True Story. Also, that web comic is funny. A man hits a woman with a car and the guy in the webcomic asks what the car was doing in the kitchen. Classic sexist comedy!
I’ve been eating really healthy the past couple months and exercising more. I’ve also been practicing martial arts. I have buffed up a little and lost over 2o pounds since I changed my ways in late June. It has been pretty awesome and I will have to say that taking care of yourself and staying in great shape is part of being a man. If you need advice on this, I am willing to help you out. Oh, I forgot to mention this during the panel, but if you want to know is a relationship is worth having, then Enter the Dragon will let you know. Any woman who doesn’t want to watch that classic isn’t worth dating. Give them the option to watch that or a Johnny Depp movie to see where they really stand on the scale of desirability.
Damn straight! Brotha Kyo proposed this and I agree 100%! The nose is where you want to aim when headbutting because it will do tons of damage to your opponent and not so much to yourself. Plus that picture of Hanma Baki headbutting Olvia Biscuit is freaking AMAZING!
This law has been inspired by the greatness of Fist of the North Star! This part and the next part decree when it is acceptable for a man to cry.
I guess if your parents die of illness, it’s okay to cry. But you damn well better beat that illness down during your quest of revenge!
Parents have failed this country. I have never seen kids so rotten, so stupid, and having such a sense of entitlement such as they do now. Just the fact that kids find themselves entitled to anything proves that parents have failed to raise their kids properly. Maddox wrote an article about child discipline. I suggest you read it.
There may be some confusion with this law. I didn’t think about until just now. While it is important to help a manly friend get a woman, what if she isn’t qualified to be in a relationship with him? Well, makes sure that you give him your thoughts. Otherwise, help him out! Women sometimes need to be told that going out with a manly man is what’s best for them and it’s important to let them know that when it comes to your friend. Remember, guide the cock; do not block it!
That’s it for the man laws! I hope this has been very educational for you because the path of being a man is a very hard one. You will have to endure many trials and make many tough choices. Mistakes will be made but you can learn from those too. I can be found on Twitter if you need further counsel.